A time to grieve.

I love willow tree figurines and we have lots in this house. The one pictured above I bought last year when we decided to try for a 4th baby, we were so excited and I saw this and couldn't resist it. We got pregnant the first month we tried and I was very much looking forward to holding our little baby as this statue represents, but so quickly that dream was dashed when I lost the baby and this little statue instead became a memorial for something that wasn't to be. In the months since that time there have been ups and downs and unknown to most people we have actually been trying again for a few months now and I have been ok and content with whether another baby joined our family on Earth or not, but last weekend (1st July) was the due date for our little angel in heaven and my grief snuck up and hit me all over again. It was also compounded by getting my period to confirm yet again we aren't pregnant for another month and I also found out that day another friend is pregnant with her 4th child and it just overwhelmed me. I am really, really happy for the several friends I have who are pregnant, it just all got to me that weekend thinking of babies coming to bless other families while I was so sad about not being able to hold my own. I am so very blessed with the beautiful children I already have and am very thankful that I have been able to hold my sweet babies in my arms 3 times over, but that doesn't make it any less painful to have empty arms for the child I lost and I am finding I need time to grieve that loss again here in the month when that bubba was due.

 I have also been very deeply affected by the loss of another woman's baby, one that she held in her arms for 7 months and had to bury last weekend after a family tragedy which also involved her husband not being able to come home and although I only knew the family through their blog and never met them in person what has happened has broken my heart for her and I have been burdened to pray for her and the 4 little girls she must now raise on her own. It has made a lot of the mundane stuff that people whinge about seem so shallow to me at the moment and I want to spend my time praying for those who are hurting, loving and being with my precious family, and remembering to be thankful and content with the life that I have, while I also work though the grief I am still dealing with. I guess it's just a time to refocus my life and get my priorities straight as God reminds me each day to rest in Him as I walk through this season with Him.